| ONE STEPMOTHER'S REFLECTIONS ON THE HOLIDAYS |
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ONE STEPMOTHER'S REFLECTIONS ON THE HOLIDAYS By Mary Hayes, Ph.D.* STEPFAMILIES Quarterly, Fall 1993 I don't think of myself as a stepmother. No one refers to me by that title nor as far as I am able to observe, do they even think about me in the role; yet, that is part of who I am and feelings described by stepmoms I have known were all too familiar to me at Christmas time last year. A few years ago following our first holiday season together as a new merging unit, I had jokingly said that the following year I planned to leave town before Thanksgiving and that I would return after the new year began. That year both Thanksgiving, which we celebrated with my spouse's daughters a day or two after the traditional date, and Christmas Eve produced major emotional scenes. In retrospect, of course, this was an indirect expression of pain and anger about the changes in their previously predictable family system. Until I distanced myself from the events, I was both surprised and hurt by these episodes. Subsequently, life calmed down somewhat and I forgot about my resolve. The year progressed and suddenly it was November again. A second round of holidays was much easier. The emotional territory was more familiar to all of us, and we seemed more comfortable together. Arrangements became almost routine in the following seasons. Rather than approaching the time with a sense of dread or calling a travel agent to ticket me to far-off locations, I eagerly planned for our celebrations. I anticipated a good time.Full Article.... |
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