| WHO'S THE BETTER PARENT? (STEPPARENTING CHALLENGES) |
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WHO'S THE BETTER PARENT? (STEPPARENTING CHALLENGES) Whose the better parent is a game frequently played between divorced or divorcing parents. The hostility, anger, and disagreement typical of many divorces can easily become natural breeding grounds for either or both parents' tendencies to undermine each other. The inability or unwillingness to address bitter feelings directly tempt parents to align themselves with their children in an attempt to exclude and alienate the other parent. The complexities and parenting stress of stepfamilies can also become breeding grounds for the game of "I'm a better parent". This game has several variations. The most common is when a parent undermines a stepparent in order to maintain a strong parenting position with his or her own children. Although having one's children bond with a stepparent is ideal, sometimes parents feel threatened by it, and respond by unconsciously undermining the stepparent's attempt to form a parenting relationship with the child. Perhaps unresolved issues from the parent's first marriage (such as fear of loosing the child to the other parent) are responsible for this type of reaction. Below are several suggestions that if followed, will ensure that you do not slip into the trap of using your children to undermine the other parent. Be aware when you are feeling anger or frustration toward your partner or ex-partner. Think about whether you are upset about something in the adult relationship or whether it has to do with parenting differences. Begin to recognize and think about the destructive interactions between you and your spouse or ex- spouse can affect your children. When appropriate, respect each other's "domains" with the children. Refrain from disagreeing with one another in front of your children, because they will immediately pick up on one parent's desire to undermine the other. Source: Joel D. Block, PhD & Susan S. Bartell, Psy. D, book except from "Mommy or Daddy: Whose Side Am I On?" For more helpful information on topics related to stepfamilies log onto: http://www.bonusfamilies.com/ |
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