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http://hillsborough.extension.ufl.edu/fcs/stepparenting.htm
For
children, the blending of two families may not be an easy process.
There is no "instant" love. Adjusting to the new relationships takes
time and patience. Although the adults have fallen in love and have
decided to live together, the children may not desire the step family
situation. Children often need a lot more time to adapt to the idea of
blending families. Parents need realistic expectations concerning their
children’s periods of adjustment.
FAMILY CHANGES
Merging
families bring together many differences. A teenager may now be
followed around by a five-year-old stepbrother. The celebration of
holidays will change as the new family integrates customs and begins
new ones. With the changes taking place in the new household, children
need some things to remain the same. Keeping the daily schedule the
same can help add continuity to a changing family structure. If your
child is actively involved in a particular sport, for example, keep him
or her involved. Do not make unnecessary changes.
Each family
has resources in addition to money. They include both time and
affection. How you share or distribute these resources can create
arguments, hurt feelings, or jealousy. Be aware of the possible effects
as you work within your new family.
LOYALTIES
Children
have loyalties to parents. A child may feel that showing affection
toward a stepparent is betraying the biological parent. The child who
has lived in a singe-parent household may have difficulty sharing that
parent. Adults may also experience loyalty conflicts. Parents may feel
guilty over not living with biological children. The stepparent may
have difficulty accepting live-in stepchildren.
The new
stepfamily creates new relationships. Family members may be unclear as
to what their roles and expectations are within the family. Are the
stepparents comfortable disciplining the children and enforcing the
limits? Are the stepparents fair with discipline? Do the children know
what roles the new family members play? Do they know that their
stepfather can assign chores to be done? How should they refer to the
stepparent’s parents? Are they also grandparents? These
issues will need to be discussed and worked out.
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