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Home  Articles Stepmothers Stepmoms: Dumping the Cinderella Stigma
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Stepmoms: Dumping the Cinderella Stigma |
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Stepmoms: Dumping the Cinderella Stigma
Published on 20/04/04 at 07:22:00 ACST submitted by dmiller
From Cinderella-s conniving stepmother to Ella Enchanted's
wicked's-mom, let's face it - fairy tales give stepmoms a bad name. The
Cinderella stigma has stuck like glue to stepmothers in the popular
imagination.
"Ella Enchanted" is the latest Cinderella-wannabe
movie to rehash tired stereotypes about stepparents. You'd think that
if the director could figure out how to jazz up fairy tales with
shopping malls and taxicabs, a script doctor could drop in at least one
nice stepmom. But no.
A few have tried to reclaim the "wicked
stepmother" moniker and poke fun at the whole "wicked stepmother" aura.
You can buy "wicked stepmother" t-shirts and coffee mugs on some
stepfamily websites.
But some stepmoms would rather jettison
the "S" word altogether. A study by the Stepfamily Association of
America in 1997 found that more than one third of stepparents did not
identify themselves stepparents. Anything but the dreaded "S" word.
Its
gotten so bad that stepparents are tripping over themselves trying to
dream up new titles for their stepfamily roles. "Bonus Mom" and "Bonus
Dad" were come up with by an s-mom and her stepdaughter because "step"
carried too many negative connotations.
Youd think the American greeting card industry would reap a gold mine in stepfamily combination cards for Mother's Day. Nope.
Try
to find a manufactured mother-s day card that actually uses the term
stepmom - it-s not easy. Hallmark typically relegates stepparents to
the cards in the "for anyone" or "for friends" sections. That-s where
my stepkids will find my card this year.
I'll open it on
Mother-s Day with my husband - just like last year. Unlike their
birthdays, graduations and swim meets - Mother-s Day is not a shared
event. In our family, that day is sacred - to their mom.
My
husband takes me out and fusses over me but Mother-s Day is a weird day
that feels hollow - because the people I most want to hear praise from
aren-t within earshot.
If greeting card companies were smart -
they would create holidays just for stepparents. Until they catch on -
we-ll just have to make do.
In 2000, nine-year-old Lizzie
Capuzzi declared the Sunday after Mother-s Day to be Stepmother-s Day,
and used the day to celebrate the relationship she has with her
stepmom. She wrote to her congressman about it and he read her letter
aloud and into the Congressional Record. The idea has yet to catch fire
- but you never know. We might reclaim that "stepmother" title for
good.
A thirty-something wife and stepmom of three, Dawn
Miller lives in the Washington, DC area. She writes a bi-weekly column
on life in blended families at http://www.thestepfamilylife.com.
Website links about stepfamilies, a free newsletter and a bookstore are
available on the site. Readers are welcome to email her at
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