| Rejection by Stepchildren |
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Coping strategies Detach. Understand that this is the child's (or adult child's) problem. Usually, there isn't a lot that we as stepmoms can do to make this better. Don't own this problem. Stop obsessing about it. Yes, I know it is very difficult to keep "our chin up" and to "hold our head high," but this is a very important part of healing and dealing. Focus on your relationship with your husband or boyfriend. This is the most important relationship. The children grow up (and hopefully move out before they hit 40) and make lives of their own. Your relationship and it's success is paramount. Spend time with your husband as a couple. Don't get caught up in your stepfamily. Many stepmoms get overly focused on their roles as stepmothers, rather than individuals. Certainly this relationship and your stepfamily is important, but remember you were a whole person before you met him, and you have ambitions, dreams, thoughts, feelings and interests too. Make time for yourself each and every day. I don't care if this means hiding in the back porch with a newspaper and a cup of coffee for 15 minutes, do it! Seek the support of other stepmoms. Of course, it is extremely helpful to air your feelings and frustrations and know that you are not crazy, or alone. Remember that they are his children. If you are a non-custodial stepmother, this is easier to do. If you are a custodial stepmother (I bow in awe) make certain that dad is toeing the line with the parenting of these children. Present a united front at all times! (Even when you don't want to.) This is instrumental while stepparenting/parenting within a blended family. If the children see a crack in your marriage, you can be certain that they will pick away at this crack until they make a nice gaping hole. Kids are smart; they learn how to manipulate quickly and know WHO to manipulate. Don't become too upset or concerned if the kids don't like you. We actually don't have to like them either. We do, however, need to be the adult and treat them with respect. If the child doesn't like you - accept it - don't obsess over it. Many times this is temporary and they have to figure out who you are themselves. Don't expect too much, if anything, from your stepchildren. The less you expect from them emotionally, the less likely you will be hurt or disappointed. Dealing with rejection is never simple, nor is it pleasant. It's actually quite painful. Remember that they are children, they are usually innocent and they never asked for the divorce their parents put them through. Mothers of America News http://www.mothersofamerica.com/parentingstep2.htm |
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