| Developmental Stages of the STEPWIFE Relationship |
|
|
Page 1 of 3 As with any relationship, stepwives go through several stages or levels
of development. There is no specific time frame and one does not
necessarily have to pass through each level or demonstrate every
behavior. We have, however, observed a very interesting sequence of
events and behaviors that usually occur as women transcend from one
stage to another. Level One - "If I Can't See It, It Doesn't Exist" The Ex-wife - She is just beginning to hear rumors of her ex going out with a "steady" girlfriend through common friends, family, or perhaps her children. While she has some concerns, she goes about her life in denial regarding the possibility of another woman entering into her world. The Stepmom - She is dating a man that appears to be " the one." She may hear about or even meet his children and starts to fantasize about helping him raise them. The stepmom starts getting more and more information about the ex-wife through the Man in the Middle. The Stepwife Relationship - There is little contact between the stepwives at this time because the ex-husband's relationship with his "girlfiend" is so new. The Man in the Middle doesn't want his ex-wife to interfere with this new, possibly long term relationship. He's happy, yet cautious. Level Two - "It's Time to Face the Music" The Ex-wife - She finds out the girlfriend is now the Man in the Middle's fiance. Her feelings are mixed: fear, curiosity (especially if she hasn't met her), insecurity, shock, and anger. Her natural maternal instincts start revving up to protect her children from this possible enemy. Even if she has thoughts of being nice to the soon to be stepmom, they are superceeded by her feelings of terror about this woman taking her place. The Stepmom - She is absolutely ecstatic about finding the man of her dreams. Whether it is a second marriage or not, she has now found a partner in life. Her thoughts are dominated by plans for her wedding and how she will fulfill her role as wife and stepmom. While she has heard stories about the ex-wife, she feels she can overcome just about any problem. Her EXPECTATIONS may not be REALISTIC regarding her ability to befriend the ex-wife. The Stepwife relationship - The stepwives usually meet each other at this time, even if the encounter is brief. Perhaps the almost stepmom will be in the car when the Man in the Middle picks up the children, or she will be at their home when the ex-wife picks them up. There will be a lot of visual "checking out" by both stepwives. The ex-wife may experience fears of looking older, and to an even greater extent, have increasing worries of being replaced by this other woman. The stepmom is somewhat cautious, but as a rule allows the Man in the Middle to call most of the shots and do most of the communication with his ex-wife. |
|||||
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
Syndicate
Copyright © 2005 - 2012 Stepfamily Association of South Australia.
Template Joomla designed by JoomlArt.com
