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From Stepmothers Retreat. An encouraging note... I married a man fourteen years my senior and I got three stepkids out of the deal. The first three years were nightmarish...I had two toddlers from my previous marriage, so we had yours and mine. The Brady Bunch we weren't! My steps brought friends and used our house as a bath house for access to the pool, treated my kitchen as a snack bar and often treated me as a short order cook. Many times I dispaired of ever finding the kind of happiness you see on TV or read about. My husband of nearly 25 years died a couple of years ago. My stepdaughter is getting married this fall and wants me involved as her genetic mom. My stepsons call and visit and one even sang and dedicated a song to me at his dad's memorial service. We are still a family now and I know the hard times were worth it. How did I cope? I really don't remember. I think you have to be a 12-stepper. The only way it works is one day at a time. That's not a lot of help if you want tools, but find other stepfamilies to work with each other. Don't let group meetings turn into endless b**** sessions though...one-man-upmanship has no winners, only unhappy participants. I do remember the anger, frustration and fear of failure that were my companions for many years, and I weep for you.. With compassion, Randy Thornley--wicked stepmother extraordinaire This is a lovely happy ending and yet Randy is responding to many stepmothers who write in because their task is among the hardest mothers can face. Most moms, like most people, want to do a good job. Stepparents face all the parental challenges and also have to build up a brand new family unit. And yet the kids are mad- why? Partly because kids are always mad. Couldn't you do more for me, mom? Can you please comfort me, sympathise, be there all the time, help, advise, stroke, and make all bad things go away? If you can't- then you, the mother, are the bad guy, the "wicked" stepparent...It's true that if you really are a stepparent it's hard to break the evil stereotype which even genetic mothers face from time to time. |
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