Like most cutters, my stepdaughter chose to hurt herself privately - shutting the door to her room before hurting herself and wearing long sleeves to cover her arms. She became scared when she realized she found relief in hurting herself - that it made the pain she held inside her diminish.

She told one of her brothers, and he grew concerned and forced her to tell us. Our reaction was at first shock - and then concern. We've learned how hard it can be to admit that your family needs help and that we have to work together to help her - my stepdaughter, my husband's ex-wife, my husband and me. We've also sought professional help for my stepdaughter and our family - and we are getting through it. But it's been quite a learning curve.

We've learned a lot of things we didn't know. Self-inflicted cutting is the new anorexia among today's teens. A study published in the British Medical Journal in 2002 found 13% of 15-16 year olds deliberately harmed themselves. About 1% of the U.S. population engages in self-abusive behavior, according to Dr. Wendy Lader, director of SAFE (Self-Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives program in Napierville, Illinois.

Movies like "Thirteen" and shows like "Seventh Heaven" and "The Real World" have made young people more aware of the self-abuse phenomenon and stirred up a media frenzy of attention. Unfortunately cutting has become popular with a generation anxious to relieve stress from family, social pressure and academics. Mental health experts say they are seeing more teens who mimic cutting behavior or learn about it from friends or acquaintances. Social worker Sharon Harris told the Stamford Advocate newspaper in Connecticut that she is seeing more kids cutting themselves, and that they often learn the behavior from friends as a coping mechanism to deal with stress.

Seventy-two percent of all people engaging in self-injuring behavior do so by cutting themselves. By cutting the skin with a blade, razor, glass, or even their own nails, cutters say they find a sense of release. But the behavior can be addictive and exert a control that makes it difficult to stop.

Self-injury does not discriminate against age, gender, income or family background. Experts say that self-injurers often have family issues and are typically adolescent females, but they can be much older or male. Self-injurers can have eating disorders and about half of all sufferers have been physically or sexually abused. They are sometimes depressed and feel unable to voice their concerns. Frequently self-injurers come from middle and upper class homes.

Signs that a person is engaging in self-injuring behavior include: unusual cuts or scrapes, finding something sharp you wouldn't expect among your child's possessions, withdrawal from family, friends or favorite activities, increased irritability, impulsiveness, wearing long sleeves in hot weather and constantly covering up arms, wrists or legs.

If you suspect someone you know is hurting themselves, then ask if the person is physically harming him/herself. If you know that they are injuring themselves, tell them that you want to help them and don't judge the behavior. Do not delay and seek professional help immediately. Call your doctor's office or the Self Abuse Finally Ends (SAFE) hotline at 1-800-DONT-CUT (1-800-366-828.

Even if you don't think your child or stepchild is hurting him/her self, I urge you to learn more about self-injury behavior. A few websites featuring information on self-injury are listed below and it only takes a few minutes for you to learn more.

Just because you strive to have a good home and listen to your kids or stepchildren, does not mean that your home is safe from this silent epidemic among teens. Young people today are placed under tremendous pressure to appear perfect, perform well, and be over-involved. Cutting behavior is a desperate cry for help from a child carrying an internal pain so severe that he or she is screaming inside.

If this kind of crisis can happen to our family - it can happen to any family. Pay attention to the children you know and love, and reach out to help them if they need it. Trust me, they want you to. 

A thirty-something wife and stepmom of three, Dawn Miller lives in the Washington, DC area. She writes a bi-weekly column on life in blended families at http://www.thestepfamilylife.com. Website links about stepfamilies, a free newsletter and a bookstore are available on the site. Readers are welcome to email her at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Self-Abuse Finally Ends (SAFE) Alternatives
http://www.selfinjury.com

Self-Injury: You Are NOT the Only One
http://www.selfharm.net

Kids Health - Cutting
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/cutting.html

A Healing Touch
http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/self_injury/healingtouch/index.html

Here are a few more links

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/parenting/2001975943_faull10.html

http://www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/73.htm

http://www.aamft.org/families/Consumer_Updates/Adolescent_Self_Harm.asp

Australian Resources

Checkout this section of the website.  Adolescent Self harm

This is not our area of expertise.  



But, have been concerned about the comments that have been made about this article 

There appears to be a number of young people crying out for help.  We will be trying to find a list of resources for you.

First step is to contact your local doctor or school counsellor.