Stepfamily Association

1. Expand your time frame beyond a 24-hour period. If you celebrate Christmas like us, then you know that the big day can mean a whirlwind of activity - and stepfamilies often face added pressure by adding into the whirl custody swaps and supplemental relatives who jockey for time with the kids.

Because we live in a stepfamily, one gift we can give our children and stepchildren is a sense of appreciating family and the people one cares about throughout the year. Think beyond December 25th. In our household - Santa Claus is coming on a completely different day because the kids are going out of town this year with their mom to visit her relatives. There will be plenty of merriment in our house - just on another day entirely.

2. Think interactive. Find activities that allow your stepfamily members to do something together. It might mean attending a school production of "A Christmas Carol" together and discussing it later. Or decorating a tree together, going ice skating, building a snowman, caroling for the neighbors, collecting food for the needy, preparing a special meal or making ornaments and other crafts around the kitchen table. If all else fails - go to the movies - and talk about it after.

Personally, I like the arts and crafts activities the best because they leave a touchstone every year that we can revisit, underscoring our continuity as a stepfamily. When the boxes full of Christmas decorations come out of the attic each year, we search eagerly for the glass ornaments we painted together amid the piles of ornaments and chintz. They're almost always the first ones on the tree and given places of prominence.