Search

Latest Comments


Stepmonster
Inviting His Ex-Wife to Thanksgiving: The Curse Print E-mail
Article Index
Inviting His Ex-Wife to Thanksgiving: The Curse
Page 2
Page 1 of 2
 Last year I invited my husband's ex-wife to Thanksgiving at my house and hosted his family for dinner. It was an invitation I came to regret as my in-laws quickly became "out-laws" in the months following my ill-fated burst of hospitality.

It was my first holiday with my husband's family and we had only been married for three months. In the two years we dated, I never attended a holiday meal with my husband's family. I felt like I was fumbling around a murky historical stage - where all the actors had the script except for me.

I found little wisdom to guide me on etiquette for the occasion. In the aftermath of most divorces, ex-wives do not continue attending Thanksgiving dinner with their ex-in-laws. In many stepfamilies, holiday meals are a tangled web of multiple meals - with children shuffled in between households.

I was new to "the family" and desperately wanted to be liked. I knew before we got married that his ex-wife was included in "family" holidays. Since she and I had managed to get along well so far - attending swim meets and school events together for the kids - I reasoned that Thanksgiving could be without incident.

Unbeknownst to me, my in-laws were conspiring to become "out-laws." My husband's sisters pressured him to continue including his ex-wife in family events, because "he divorced her, they didn't." The thought of his gossipy sisters plunked in a corner gorging on pie and muttering about me, the step-witch, was enough emotional blackmail to tip the scales in favor of an invitation.

It was "our" holiday to have the kids, and her house is only two miles from ours. She has no family in this area. I knew that my stepchildren - who I very much wanted to like me - would be upset if their mother were alone on the holiday. Why not stack the odds for a successful event in my favor with a one-time invitation?

In a very naïve way, I hoped that by being gracious to his ex-wife and extending an invitation to her when I didn't have to, that my courtesy would be returned to me. She has never said a harsh word to me. So we invited her and she said how much she appreciated it. On the big T-day, we spoke politely to each other and the event was miraculously uneventful.

But my Thanksgiving invitation to his ex soon became a curse. "The family" interpreted my dinner invitation as an open license to include his ex in every gathering year-round.


Prev - Next >>
 

Add comment


Security code
Refresh

< Prev   Next >
[ Back ]