Stepfamily Association

If you're like me - you're wondering how you will find time in an already-packed schedule for holiday activities, your job and your family. Here's five stress-busters to help bring in the yuletide merriment.

1. Don't buy gifts out of guilt and avoid overspending. Stepfamilies in particular can struggle with the stuff demon, because we often have a gargantuan dose of guilt hiding near our wallets. Even happily-remarried parents can carry a weighty load of guilt with them about their first marriage's break-up and the trauma it caused their children. Those scars remain and showering children excessively with gifts excessively year after year sets a pattern in place.

Be realistic about how much money you want to spend for the holidays, avoid running up a large credit card bill and stick to your plan. Recognize guilt and overspending for what they are, and if you feel tempted to splurge excessively, take a 24-hour moratorium from purchasing. Go home, think about the purchase, talk to your spouse, and if you want to go back to the store later, you can, but don't give into impulsive overspending right away

2. Don't feel like you have to keep up with everyone else. Fortunately for all of us, the holidays are not a rat race with a cosmic judge doling out awards for who "does" the best in the maze. But sometimes it feels like we are competing in a contest, doesn't it? It can be deceptively easy to talk yourself into buying one more decoration for the yard because a neighbor has new ones, one more gift for a child because someone else bought it, and baking a batch of cookies like someone else's mom.

These pressures come from our own desires to emulate the people we see around us, our own puffed-up expectations about engineering the perfect holiday (believe me - I've driven that train and its tracks go over a cliff!) and frankly, even our own jealousy. Be content with the plans you've made and don't let others make you feel inadequate.

3. Plan with the kids in mind. Make sure you determine ahead of time the custody schedule for any children who live in two homes, and tell the child the schedule. Make sure the child has time to enjoy his/her new gifts or toys at each home. Try to minimize the amount of "travel time" a child spends running from place to place on a holiday. You may need to be creative and invite grandma over to open presents at your house and not hers so you can cut a trip out of the schedule - or even celebrate your family's Christmas event on a day besides December 25th.