Stepfamily Association

The following is part of a survey taken by Positive Steps.

WHAT'S IT REALLY LIKE? -- We received many emotional, eloquent and intelligent answers to this question. We have picked our favorites, below. A compilation of all stepmother and stepfather comments received will be available at the first of the year.

¨ Being a stepfather is not easy and not for everyone. It may require more patience, personal strength and character than does conventional parenting. A stepfather has to give more, and in many cases, receive less than a biological father receives. There is also something special about the bond between biological parent and child the does not exist between stepfathers and children. No matter how well you do "the job" that closeness will not be there to see you through the tough times, and help you appreciate the good times. I am proud of the effort I am making on behalf of my stepchildren, and our family, and hope that it "pays off" for all of us in the future.

¨ So far, being a stepfather has been a lot of giving and receiving very little. I have gone out of my way several times to do things for the children and didn't even receive an acknowledgment. I know it will get better.

¨ It can be a joy or it can be hell all within a matter of hours or sometimes minutes.

¨ There are times that being a stepfather is the greatest joy and other times when it is the hardest thing I have done. There are times when I feel a part of a wonderful family and times when I feel like an outsider.

¨ Being a stepfather is a thankless, stressful, somewhat rewarding torture session. You are under constant scrutiny. The worst aspect is that no matter what you do or say, or how you treat the stepchild, they are always looking for that one little bit of unfairness. When that happens, you are criticized and labeled, even though you are trying your best in a situation that no one around you understands or experiences. It is a thankless job that no one will truly appreciate and probably never will until you are long gone.