| Advice For Stepfathers |
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* Talk with stepchildren, of all ages, about their father.
Whether he is dead or alive, involved or not, acknowledge his presence,
let them know you are not trying to replace their dad. * Create one-to-one time with each child. This is a sure way to form a bond as long as you do it on the childs agenda. Don't force a child to do something they dont want to do such as going hunting or to the races. Take time to just play and have fun! * Create a reliable presence in your stepfamilys life. Keep the commitments you make - be a man of your word. * Establish a structured and predictable household. For children, structure and predictability equal security. They have already experienced the dissolution of one family - reassure them the same thing is not likely to happen to this one! * Set up rules concerning discipline. Dont over do it - in the beginning, at least, let mom be the primary disciplinarian. *Reaffirm your commitment to your wife daily. Remember that stepfamilies are hard on marriages so work to keep it strong. This means to take extra care to listen to your wife, compliment her and show appreciation for what she does. * To the Moms: look for activities that include the stepfather. If you and the kids are great skiers and the step dad isnt it will make him feel like an outsider. BUT, if you do an activity where mom is the outsider...that connects the kids and stepfather. * Get your feelings out in the open. Let both mom and the children know how you feel. * Think of yourself as a consultant to your stepchildren. Try to find one way in which you can be a hero because you can teach them something they want to learn that nobody else can. Additionally, remember that stepfathers who have their own children shouldnt expect or pretend to love their stepchildren the same. Also, studies show that a childs jealousy and resentment of a step dad will typically diminish if they still have time alone with their mother. Source: http://www.sparta.k12.il.us/SID/Fatherhood/dadtalk3.htm {mos_smf_discuss:Discussion on Articles} |
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