Adult Step Child Wants to Move Back Home

Your stepchild has graduated from college and hasn't found a job.  He wants to move home for a little while.  The jobless rate has gone up and in these tough economic times, it's becoming more and more difficult to find a good job.  It's important to establish rules and boundaries, so that the stepchild, biological parent and stepparent are happy.  Here are some guidelines for you and your spouse to refine before your child returns home to your blended family.

Remember it's a compliment he chose to live in your home.

Your stepson could have chosen to stay with his biological mom, but has chosen to stay with his dad and step mom.  Tell him you appreciate the extra time with him, but will also need to establish some rules and boundaries during his stay.

Create guidelines before your stepson arrives.

Have the guidelines ready when your stepson arrives.  After a little unpacking and a meal (or ideally the week before) go over your expectations with your stepson (Dad and you together) and all should sign.

Here are some things to consider for your guidelines:

• We will provide room and board (food.)
• If you eat with us, you will help prepare and clean up the meal.
• You will keep your area clean daily, and also clean the __________areas weekly.
• You will do your own laundry.
• Discuss you career plan with us (and we can assist you in your job search, or at least give you ideas.)
• You will actively search and find a fulltime job.
• If you can't find a "career" type job, you will work full time at a restaurant or other job until you can find an appropriate career position.
• After six months, you will pay _____ rent per month.
• After 12 months, you will pay _____rent per month (make this a higher amount.)
• You will let us know, a day in advance, if you will not be eating dinner with us.
• You will enter the house, quietly, if you come home after ____ pm, and your stepsister (or we) is asleep (or you can give him a curfew.)
• No friends in the house without prior permission.
• You will respect the adults in this home and abide by any other guidelines added, if needed.

Other topics to be discussed:

• Use of auto?  (Along with the cost of insurance, gas, etc.)
• Respecting your couple's time at night and weekends
• Smoking, drinking and girlfriend visits

These guidelines are yours to develop.  Spend some dedicated time with your spouse and mutually agree on them before presenting them to your stepson. Biological parent should take the lead in the discussion, with the step parent assisting.  

Remember- you and your husband are in charge.  Yes, your stepson is technically an adult (over the age 18) but if he is living in your home as a dependant (dependant upon you for room and board) then he should respect and obey your authority.

Present the guidelines in a loving manner.  An example could be, "We love you and are happy you are here.  We want us all to get along, during your stay with us, and see you successful in life."

Good luck, and remember, the parents are in charge. If you feel taken advantage of, schedule another family meeting and talk with your step son.  I'm sure you want him to be successful; and part of that journey is the road to independence.

Shirley Cress Dudley is a licensed professional counselor with a master's degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, and a master's degree in Education.  She has a passion for helping blended families grow strong and be successful.  Visit our website for more help with your blended family and step parent issues.

http://www.BlendedFamilyAdvice.com

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