| Kids in a remarriage with children often have tremendous power |
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The kids in a remarriage with children often have tremendous power. Stepfamily researchers Kay Pasley and Marilyn Ihinger-Tallman have noted that, while kids have very little say in a parent's decision to remarry and form a new family, they do have tremendous power to break it up. Longitudinal studies have amply documented what most stepparents have experienced first hand--many kid are hostile and rejecting to their parent's new spouse, often for years, due to feeling loyalty conflicts. And because the kids are the links between two households, they can and often do create friction by making comparisons, passing along unkind messages, and even spying. Indeed, researchers including Dr. Francesca Adler-Bader of the National Stepfamily Resource Center tell us that preadolescent and adolescent children are the main initiators conflict in a stepfamily. While we can't hold young children responsible for this behavior, we must recognize that it can lead the couple--even a committed one--to become tremendously polarized over the parenting of the kids from the previous relationship. Read more...Guess who has the power in a remarriage with children? | Psychology Today |
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