Divorce can be a painful experience. Even if you're the one who started the proceedings it's still a tough emotional time to get through. Divorce mediators can help both people negotiate a good agreement, with less stress than is normally associated with divorce settlements.

Remember mediation will not save the marriage. It's not a process designed to get you back together. A mediation is a neutral third party method that helps you put the past behind you and assist both of you to negotiate a fair settlement.

The divorce mediator is not an arbitrator. A mediator can't make decisions for you, that much is up to you. The mediator is there to help control the situation and understand in many cases emotions can be running high.

Using a divorce mediator can save you time and money. Working through a lawyer is time consuming and expensive. Working through mediation and working out your settlement has many distinct advantages.

First, a mediation is designed to gather background information regarding the situation and help you work through any problems. Then both parties should give the mediator financial information such as; Superannuation, real estate owned both in joint names and single names, retirement funds, investments, car, boats, etc. also any outstanding debts such as mortgages, loans, credit cards. This can be done together or separately.

With this stage completed the mediator needs to know about placement for your children, visitation for the non custodial parent, and any alimony and child support to be paid.

Also the division of property, as in who gets the family home, who gets the lake home, the division of other debits, and the income of each party.

When all the information is on the table the mediator helps the parties negotiate a fair agreement. And it's at this stage you can expect trade offs, such as "you can have the boat but I want the truck."

Many times the negotiated scenarios aren't acceptable to one party, so they are changed and negotiated until an agreement is reached that suits both people. The mediation, while not a decision making process can give the parties ideas on to how to balance things and come to a compromise.

Once both parties are satisfied and preliminary agreement it's drawn up for your lawyer to look over. Once all revisions have been made to the satisfaction of both parties then a formal agreement is signed and is binding. Your lawyer will be able to advise you on the laws of each state regarding these documents.

Using a Mediation can make a nasty divorce into one with provisions more amicable to each party. It also can make it easier for you and your spouse and any children.