Ten Years of Family Support Nearly a Childhood

From March 2001 Kids Helpline Newsletter

Kids Help Line

1800 55 1800

Many changes occurring across the last 10 years have impacted on family stability and wellbeing. An increase in divorce rates, over half of which involve children, have resulted in a higher proportion of children living in single parent, step or blended families. In more than half of single-parent families, the parent is not employed – for many children this change causes economic deprivation. Within blended families, children and young people are required to develop relationships with additional adults and their children, often resulting in further stress.

For a high proportion of fathers, involvement with their children after separation drops off over time resulting in a sense of dislocation, loss and distress to both fathers and children.

The calls to Kids Help Line about family relationships reflect all of these issues. Those children and young people who phone Kids Help Line about family relationships are more likely to have separated or divorced parents than children and young people calling about other issues. Callers often express high levels of grief and anxiety about the family situation, much of which is ongoing across the period of disruption and change. Custody and access are also key concerns with some children upset by lack of contact with a parent after separation (usually father), while others want to change contact arrangements but are powerless to do so.

Children younger than 10 are twice as likely to call about family breakdown, separation or divorce than 10 to 14 year old children and four times more likely to phone about these issues than young people aged between 15 and 18. Given that most separation and divorce occurs in the first 10 years of marriage, these rates are not surprising – however the amount of distress (across all age groups) is of concern.

Callers of all ages express anxiety and unhappiness about conflict and disharmony between parents, whether separated or not.

It appears that covert conflict (ignoring each other, not speaking to each other, not participating in family activities) is as distressing as more overt forms such as arguments, raised voices, and slamming doors. Conflict is a normal part of all family life, the way adults deal with it is crucial to their children's sense of security and emotional well-being. In addition, how adults deal with conflict provides a powerful source of role modelling for children and adolescents.

While family breakdown is a major concern for and source of grief for children, they appear to be able to accept and understand it if the separation is managed calmly and without ongoing or severe conflict. This is particularly evident if the children are able to maintain frequent positive contact with both parents during and after the process of separation.

Breakdown in communication is frequently mentioned, with some callers expressing high levels of frustration and distress about feeling unable to communicate with their parents or caregivers. Some callers experience conflict within blended families, particularly involving feelings of rejection or non- acceptance by step-parents or stepsiblings.

The variety of family problems and the wide age range of callers require Kids Helpline counsellors to be able to use a range of counselling techniques and interventions. Counsellors aim to assist callers to develop and build upon their own skills and strengths in order to promote confidence and a sense of competence as they implement strategies (both behavioural and cognitive) to address their concerns at their own pace.
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