What suggestions would you give, for a person to be a better stepfather.

As a step parent of 13 years I have tried many things with the kids, some have worked others have failed terribly but there are a couple of 'Golden Rules' that have worked wonderfully for me

The size on my family is 6, 4 kids, the three eldest are my step children. I wont bore you with the ins and outs but needless to say two of the three dont not have a good relationship with thier birth father, when I arrived on the scene in 1997 he was in jail and at that time the kids where 5,3 and 2, now 13 years later they are practically adults

Being a step parent is a thankless job, no doubt. It is fraught with fear, danger and emotional hurt, you need broad shoulders however I would not change a things

The Golden Rules
1. Dont try to be thier parent from the start, concentrate on being thier friend, thier buddy, depending on thier age, be someone they want to hang out with and do stuff with

2. Be non judgmental, dont place expectations on them or you at the start you both will make a ton of mistakes

3. Always admit when you are wrong, if the kids see you are not above sticking your hand up when you make a mistake they will follow your lead

4. Lead the natural birth parent do the disciplining, its ok for you to support the parent but let them do this, at least for the first few years, just look serious and say 'I did warn you, actions have consequences'


5. Never ever rubbish the childs other birth parent, despite how terrible or hopeless they maybe if

6. IF you are in ac live in situation then always lead by example

7. NEVER EVER BREAK A PROMISE - Kids judge you by your actions, if you make a promise stick to it, no matter what

8. Family comes first, always make time to listen to them

9. Try to make the home envitronment as fun and relaxing as possible, time with thier natural parent could be stressfull make it thier santuary

10. IF you become a step parent you do so willingly knowing that when you meet your partner it was a package deal, one in all in, never make the kids feel like burdons

11. even if you have never been one to follow the rules, teach them to the kids, install strong ethics and a strong sense of right and wrong

No one never becomes an unwilling parent if you accept the challenge it ceases to be all about you and your partner but rather the kids and moreover the family need to come first