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The Real Reason Children Hate their Stepmothers |
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Stepfamily Articles -
Stepmothers
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Put the blame on Mame.
That sums up how many of the women with stepchildren I interviewed for my book, Stepmonster, felt about the stepmother role. They told me:
• "The kids are hostile and rejecting no matter what I do. I know it's not their fault. But it's as if I'm not supposed to have any feelings about it, let alone discuss them."
• "I can't do anything right--if I buy them a present, they think I'm buying their love and if I don't, I'm cold and unloving."
• "My husband doesn't have many rules--so I look super strict and mean if I ask them not to eat with their hands!"
• "Their mother says unkind things about me and calls every half hour while they're here. So it's hard to build a relationship with them."
These women were no whiners--most had been trying to get stepmothering right for years, and all began their stepmothering journeys committed to forging a great relationship with his kids, whatever it took.
Read more...The Real Reason Children (and Adults) Hate their Stepmothers | Psychology Today |
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It's hardest for stepmothers |
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Stepfamily Articles -
Stepmothers
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It's hardest for stepmothers.
The longitudinal studies of stepfamily life by psychologists James Bray and Mavis Hetherington and sociologist Constance Ahrons show that kids of all ages resent getting a stepmother more than getting a stepfather, and that they resent her for longer.
In Hetherington's study, less than 20% of adult stepchildren said they felt close to their stepmothers. And while more than half of adult stepkids told Ahrons they were happy about mom remarrying, less than 30% were happy that daddy had (I discuss the stepmother's specific struggles at length in my book, Stepmonster).
Finally, the longitudinal studies and interviews I did for my own book suggest that you don't have to be a "homewrecker" to be resented: regardless of how the previous union ended, a stepmother is likely to be the lightning rod for his kids' unhappiness and anger that their parents broke up.
Read more...Guess who has the power in a remarriage with children? | Psychology Today |
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